Funny how not seeing well is helping me to see some things better. My friend asked how I was seeing today, the kind of “How are you?” where she really wanted to know, and I told her that my vision isn’t good today. But I feel good and my outlook on life is good. It is well with my soul. I didn’t say that last part, but sometimes I say it out loud when asked how I’m doing.
Not because I want to be churchy or a throwback to an 1873 hymn (yes, I looked it up) but because it IS well with my soul. I get what Mr. Spafford meant as he penned these words. My circumstances are lame at times, as far as my eyeballs are concerned. I’ll have a couple of good days in a row when I can drive myself around in freedom, then a few bad days when I have migraines and have to call on friends to take me to work or errands. My short-term memory is almost always on the fritz. It annoys my family and it’s often embarrassing when people who don’t know the situation are repeating a conversation because I ask what looks like a stupid question. Again. Even so, it is well with my soul.
How can that be? I hate weakness. I am learning not to abhor it. I am uncomfortable being weak and helpless. But God is allowing me to be weak right now in this season of life. I choose to depend on Him in my weakness and allow Him to be my strength and my peace. If I didn’t do that, I would only be a very angry, bitter and sad, weak person. Instead, I am a weak and joyful person, being strengthened, day by day, and growing in perseverance.
Do you see the beautiful paradox? I am still weak. I am still sad. I grieve that I don’t have the “normal” carefree experience that I “deserve”. But because I choose to lean into Jesus daily, I am stronger than EVER because of him. He is my strength when I cannot do anything but cry and feel sorry for myself. He is my hope when I can’t imagine a future and don’t know what’s going to happen the next day with my plans. He is the one thing that I know of for certain in my life. That is why I can say, it is well with my soul.